Money...

Money.... is a power that can easily ruin! I always pray for enough money to feed myself, to build a small shelter and to fulfill my basic responsibilities. And at the same time, I do pray for keeping the flame of realization alive in my conscious mind that there are still many in the world who do not have even this much money.

Fortunately I never had enough money to misuse :-)

Still childhood was secured. I never got many luxuries and I never found all those thing essential which I never got. parents suffered through many difficult times but I never had the fear of being homeless, food less and without basic education. When now my bro tells me that when he heard dad's death at the age of 12, he assumed that then onwards he would have to work and find his own shelter and food without education, it shocks me. That is a terrible feeling for a 12 year old child- a feeling of being thrown into huge dump of insecurity from a pleasant and completely secured lifestyle!!

And today, at the age of 28, when I can no more depend on my mother, all alone, am facing a similar fear. After few months my course is going to end. I can not claim loan money that time. I will NOT have residency and if I write exams hurriedly I might not get into it ever... I can't even think of it. Moreover my loan repayment will also start, I will have to stay in this country without shelter to claim as my own and without a source of income.. and without a single relative. (though they are anyway of know use unless they are own blood and family) I am much worried.. Feel like talking to someone about it.. talk might relieve part of my burden perhaps...

Am not sure of anything right now. I hope situation will not make me pack my bags and go back without any solid achievement. Only good aspect is that I can work if I return and my loan is not huge; I can repay it with my earnings...

Life would be sad if any such thing happens, but it may not happen at all or if it happens it will bring another quality of mine to the surface. Till the time wish to fight is alive, I can not be a failure. :-)

This thought is so consoling!!!