Time- a sensation.

A friend called me after a long time... He'd just come back from India and He had couple of good news about career, so we had many topics to talk and catch up with each other. But still, at the end of it, when we said bye, I felt as if I talked for a lot of time- perhaps 2 hours.....???

I checked my mobile and was surprised to see that I'd talked just for 40 mins!!!

The same morning my boyfriend had called up. After cutting the call, I felt I talked for just few minutes... for one hour or so max...

I checked my mobile and it showed me that I was talking for one hour 55 mins!!!

Time is not evenly graded on x axis. Sometimes a min means one hour and it really is one hour. Coz that is what I feel, I experience. And at times, one hour passes like one minute. That is also very true.

An Urdu poem says- days of togetherness are as short as life and nights of separation are as long and dark as my long think hair.... :-)

ख्वाब बुन रही है रात......

Was getting ready to go out.... when I first remembered these lines like an old friend. I was in school and junior college then; when I was great fan of songs- especially old ones.. Memories of these songs thus bring memories of those carefree days to surface... And these songs directly connect to my inner emotional world.

This re union started day before yesterday... as I mentioned, i was getting ready... I pushed the lines back and walked out of my house. Air was exceptionally warm for winter days, few steps ahead I saw a beautiful yellow bird couple chirping on the brown skeleton of winter tree. And unknowingly I started humming-

ख्वाब बुन रही है रात...... बेकरार है.....
तुम्हारा ..... इंतजार है....
lines started pouring....
होटों पर लिए हुए दिल की बात हम... जागते रहेंगे यु कितनी रात हम...
बस इतनी सी बात है..... तुम से प्यार है...

Hemant kumar is amazing, his songs float in the air like a magical spell!

सितारे सिमसिमाते है तो आजा आजा ... मचलती जा रहीं है हवाए आजा आजा...
सुलगती चांदनी में थम रहीं है तुम पे यह नज़र...

पेडों के शाखों पे सोई सोई चांदनी; तेरे खयालों में खोयी खोयी चांदनी,
और थोडी देर में थक के लौट जायेगी
रात यह बहारों की फिर कभी न आएगी
आजा अभी जिंदगी है ज़वा.......

Talat mixes his voice in the mood,

दम भर के लिए मेरी दुनिया में चली आओ,
तरसी हुई आखों को फिर शकल दिखा जाओ,
मुझसे तो मेरी बिगडी तकदीर नहीं बनती... तस्वीर नहीं बनती....

The spell lasts long!!!
All the gone days and years seem to return. They make me laugh at this stage of life, especially when, future does not promise much... :-)

Celebrating defeat

I can't welcome and celebrate this birthday for various reasons.
No, growing old is definitely not one of the reasons- I like to grow old, it only adds to my wisdom and creativity...

Simple material reason is I could not keep the commitment- could not finish step 1- a foolish reason to b unhappy perhaps, but it hurts.
My original plan was to finish it by Jan. And I kept postponing it hopelesssly.... and the worst is- am still not prepared...

My boyfriend asked me about my birthday plans today. I've no plans except to study better really. Of course I did not tell him this. He would have immediately said that am showing off... I will probably eat something good- now days good means Indian :-) I thought of buying flowers for myself as usual... but here flowers are hopelessly costly and I do not wish to 'waste' money on flowers!!! :-( Sad!!

Hehe, he added that he could not present me anything... :-) poor soul- he is funny. He never treats me specially and then confesses that he actually does not. N other times he feels that he is doing perfect justice to me :-)
I remembered a gift I received two years ago- a beautiful picture of Radha and Shyam and a handmade paper diary.. N I found it very foolish... so now, if this unromantic boyfriend of mine, my very first and last boyfriend, does not gift me even a small greeting card, if he does not treat me specially ever, I deserve it!!!

Well, its all about feeling bad about promises to self which I could not keep, and uncertain future.. there is nothing to celebrate really.. Me and my lone life- hope it turns out a success sometime......

Well, it is important to celebrate a defeat, a string of defeats!!