A Disaster

A friend mentioned today that this was the disastrous year of his life... I knew certain events which took place in this person's life this year which I found the most beautiful!! I exclaimed- what???!! N he tried to correct by saying professionally. But the overall impression of this year that came spontaneously was DISASTROUS!!!

I remembered the days when I was a machine. I used to lock myself in a room when I was in home and in my house while in Tg, for days together... I read a lot during that period.. I did not talk much to my family. I did not sit and chat with my granny who had come to stay with me at Tg, who cooked for me with love, who cared... I never told her how much did I love her, how close she was to me... I did not find it necessary. Expressing love openly wasn't my nature then... I was engrossed in the world of books and one fine day, all of a sudden, I found her dead at midnight! She had gone without notification-without any kind of illness! I was shocked... I cursed myself for not talking to her, not spending enough time with her, not telling her that I loved her and she would always remain in my mind!!

Then one Monday morning, my dad dropped me at station. It was 5 am and we both were silent throughout my journey to station. My surgery posting was going on and I was thinking of a patient who was on deathbed and whom I was looking after. While getting down from car, saying bye to dad, intuitively I realized that I did not talk to him at all!! And in past many days I had not talked to him the way I should have.. I had so many things to tell him in leisure.. And the immediate afterthought was- I will talk to him all that anyway.. Gran was old, he is not... He is going to be with me for atleast next 20 years... And believe me these were the exact thoughts which came to my mind that time in the same sequence.

On Thursday, dad got admitted with Pneumonia, by the time I reached he was intubated and sedated. I told him in his ears in ICU that I loved him and I would take care of everything and he might rest in peace. I do not know whether he could interpret.
Finally fifteen days later, when I was performing the last rituals, and priest was explaining me the meanings of the rituals I was performing, I was constantly thinking that I lost it once again. I lost two people, one by one within two years, who were extremely close, and whom I loved the best, and I lost the opportunity to tell them how much did they mean to me for ever.


While saying the year was an ABSOLUTE DISASTER someone might get hurt, few beautiful moments might go unnoticed and if my friend realizes its importance the way I realized, it would be hard perhaps!! Perhaps...!!!

Same poem in Marathi script

विपत्ति मध्ये तू माझे रक्षण कर ही माझी प्रार्थना नाही.
विपत्ती मध्ये मी भयभीत होऊ नये इतकीच माझी इच्छा!!

दुक्ख तापाने व्यथित झालेल्या माझ्या मनाचे तू सांत्वन करावेस अशी माझी अपेक्षा नाही...
दुक्खावर जय मिलवता यावा इतकीच माझी इच्छा.

माझ्या मदतीला कोणी न आल्यास माझे बळ मोडून पडू नये
इतकीच माझी इच्छा.

माझे रक्षण तू करावेस, मला तारावेस ही माझी इच्छा नाही,
तरून जाण्याचे सामर्थ्य माझ्यात असावे इतकीच माझी इच्छा.

माझे ओझे हलके करून तू माझे सांत्वन केले नाहीस तरी माझी तक्रार नाही
ते ओझे वहायाची ताकद माझ्यात असावी इतकीच माझी इच्छा.

सुखाच्या दिवसात नतमस्तक होउन
मी तुझा चेहरा ओलखुन काढीन.
दुख्खाच्या रात्री सगळे जग जेव्हा माझी फसवनूक करेल
तेव्हा तुज्याविषयी माझ्या मनात शंका निर्माण होऊ नये
इतकीच माझी इच्छा!

रविंद्रनाथ टागोर

Two Poems

They give me the strength today... and always...
dad is no more today, but words support me- never cry, face the situation; try to find solutions, be brave always, you are my daughter!! My parents, granny and their lives taught me many valuable lessons! Those lessons are summarized in these two poems...

If You Can.....
Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head, when all about you
are losing theirs, and blaming it on you!
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
and make allowance for their doubting too.

If you can wait and not be tired of waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet, don't look too good, nor talk too wise!

If you can bear to hear, the truth you've spoken,
twisted by naives to make a trap for fools,
Or watch things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop to build'em up with warnout tools...

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtues,
Or walk with kings- nor lose the common touch..
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much...

If you can fill The unforgiving minute
with sixty seconds, worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And which is more- you'll be a Man my son!


Unfortunately I do not have English translation of this beautiful poem by Rabindranath Tagore!!

Vipatti madhye tu maza rakshan kar
Hi mazi prarthana nahi.
Vipatti madhye mee bhaybhit hou naye
itki ch mazi ichcha.

Dukkha tapane vyathit zalelya mazya mana cha
Tu santvan karavas
ashi mazi apeksha nahi.
Dukkha var jay milavata yava, itki ch mazi ichcha.

Mazya madatila koni n alyas,
Maze bal modun padu naye, itki ch ichcha.

Maze rakshan tu karaves, mala taraves,
hi mazi prarthana nahi.
tarun janyache samarthya mazyat asave,
itki ch mazi ichcha.

Maze oze halke karun tu maze santvan kele nahis tari mazi takrar nahi
te oze vahayachi shakti mazyat asavi
itki ch mazi ichcha.

Sukha chya diwasat nat mastak houn
mee tuza chehera olkhun kadheen.
Dukkha chya ratri,
sare jag jevha mazi fasavnuk karel,
tevha tuzya vishayi mazya manat shanka nirman hou naye
itki ch mazi ichcha!

Yes, I still live on poems and books :-)
In this foreign country, with possiblility of major loss in mind- all alone, I gather all my hope and determination and live on poems and books... :-)

Pre School.. School... Education.. Human!

I came across an article in Marathi news paper today. It spoke about increasing fashion and trends of 'pre-school'.

I wonder whether the entire education system reflects right direction and assures excellent future generation... When I hear about difficult oral interviews of tender 3 yr olds, written tests, parental interview, competition and huge donation sums, my fear grows further. I still do not like exams much- at this age!!!

Children previously used to go to 'playgroup', just to play, to get used to strangers and to mix with other kids of same age groups. Now they go to 'pre schools' where they learn ABCD and numbers (and mathematics too perhaps) in advance. And parents think they fulfill their duty towards their kid by enrolling him/her in a good pre-school and paying huge donation for a good school. And they have a small (!!) expectation from their kid that he/she should perform well in the interview. They do not find time to sit and teach their kids the needed stuff from their busy growing careers. And in their nuclear families and 'small' two BHK flats, they do not have enough place to invite their parents to stay with them. So kids do not have grand parents to teach them.

Value systems are changing too rapidly. What I have seen and experienced in my childhood has gone and vanished.....

Coming back to the school issue, I wonder whether this system will succeed in shaping bright future of my country?? In today's busy world, no one has time to ingrain values, tell stories, enrich emotional childhood world. We might succeed in making good engineers and doctors by this method but will we be able to provide philosophers and 'human beings' to the future generations? What will happen to morality of the society, values and culture in general??? I wonder........