I can't welcome and celebrate this birthday for various reasons.
No, growing old is definitely not one of the reasons- I like to grow old, it only adds to my wisdom and creativity...
Simple material reason is I could not keep the commitment- could not finish step 1- a foolish reason to b unhappy perhaps, but it hurts.
My original plan was to finish it by Jan. And I kept postponing it hopelesssly.... and the worst is- am still not prepared...
My boyfriend asked me about my birthday plans today. I've no plans except to study better really. Of course I did not tell him this. He would have immediately said that am showing off... I will probably eat something good- now days good means Indian :-) I thought of buying flowers for myself as usual... but here flowers are hopelessly costly and I do not wish to 'waste' money on flowers!!! :-( Sad!!
Hehe, he added that he could not present me anything... :-) poor soul- he is funny. He never treats me specially and then confesses that he actually does not. N other times he feels that he is doing perfect justice to me :-)
I remembered a gift I received two years ago- a beautiful picture of Radha and Shyam and a handmade paper diary.. N I found it very foolish... so now, if this unromantic boyfriend of mine, my very first and last boyfriend, does not gift me even a small greeting card, if he does not treat me specially ever, I deserve it!!!
Well, its all about feeling bad about promises to self which I could not keep, and uncertain future.. there is nothing to celebrate really.. Me and my lone life- hope it turns out a success sometime......
Well, it is important to celebrate a defeat, a string of defeats!!
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