Day of poems!!

Today is day of poems.

Today I feel that I must not 'ask' anything from life. Whatever I get, I must try to use it to the fullest. I am old now, like wine, I must grow sweeter like wine and shine with golden aura like wine!

Poems have been faithful companions till today. I remember dark nights, when I was in 8th-9th, when mind was away from every sorrow, when I spent hours together in my room, looking at stars. Those were the days when I drempt, I sung, I thought about life. I never thought so much later in the life. Those days formed base of life!

Later, I was drifted away from school of life and I lost the music of life. I meet those days now, out of blue, when I sit and poems arise in my mind, I start humming those and they bring tears- tears of satisfaction for whatever little I have gained, of sorrow for something precious that I have lost! I pity my reactions, I feel I could not utilize my investment as a child... The wisdom I gained was either not enough or I could not retain it. Strong sense of association with idols faded. Beautiful colourful world of dreams disappeared and reality cruelly laughed at my silly childhood dreams and concepts of everything.

Life wasn't that straight forward and simple as I expected to be. People except my parents weren't transparent.. not even those whom I considered close to me. They always had inner sense of insecurity which I never kept in my mind. Even when I pretended to show it, it hurt me. Am too unfit to survive without sorrows and tears.
I know this narration has gained sad tone. But it does not at all make life worthless. Rather it makes life worth living. My childhood dreams of perfect life and 'my' people give me courage to live. If life is a battle I would fight it. If life is a garden I will blossom it, if life is a long dark night, I will lighten it. I always pray,

Dhairya de an namrata de, pahanya je je pahane,
vaku de buddhi s mazhya tapt polada pramane!

Aashaya cha tu ch swami, shabda vahi mi bhikari,
Maganya la ant nahi, aani denara murari..

that's the beauty of life. Though my expectations are endless, the giver is 'Murari!' He will keep on giving and I will keep on taking without slightest realization that he gives in one form and he himself takes it in another form- I am none but one of his countless expressions!! :-)
That sooths, doesn't it???